it seems that my rage and ire are movin in a new direction now, the longer I spend down here in the solitary gloom I begin to see more clearly. That I am angry at Russell and Sophie Anne goes without sayin, I do not really need to think about that too much at all. I know they wanna own me, control me and use me for somethin awful and I know I do not want that to happen.
As for Eric....well that is another entry entirely....
My rage I find is being moved towards Bill. He said he loved me yet all the time I have been here he aint even bothered to rescue me. It is just like in Dallas where it was Eric who saved me, with Godric of course, and Eric who offered his own life for mine. It seems like lately whenever I have been in trouble instead of the one who claims to love me comin to my aid it has been Eric, every time.
Also there is the whole Lorena thing, at the first test of his faith he let me down BADLY. Yes sure I was tested and yes I was very tempted but I resisted, I used self control yet he who is so many years older than me could not.
Now there is somethin naggin inside of me sendin out alarm bells about trustin him. Granted Eric put the idea in my head but now I have had a chance to think things over I have to grudginly admit he is right. When I learned what I am and Bill confessed about my blood I confrinted him about only wantin me for that. His words though in response seemed ah hw to put it...over elaborate? It seemed he was sayin what he thought i wanted to hear to distract me from diggin deeper, askin further and gettin to the Truth that Eric hunted at and would have told me no doubt after his ah other truth, had Pam not walked in.
I have to face facts and those are that with regards to the Bill issue anyway...
Eric is right...