The longer I spend down here the more time I have in the silence, with only my own thoughts to keep me company I see the battle goin on inside me and all around me. I am not talkin of Bill or Weres, Russell or Sophie. No, this concerns Eric and him alone.
I am glad I have you diary, that I can share this stuff with you otherwise i would burst into greater fits of confusion than I currently am in, which is sayin a LOT.
if I am honest, this battle has been stirrin inside since the day I first went to fangtasia and was summoned to meet Eric. The look in his cool blue eyes should have told me that he was not gonna be lettin me get too far from his notice and in some cases his sight. The work I did for him, the fact that he agreed to my terms should have alerted me but no. I was foolish and naieve then and I thought safe. My naievety has slowly been stripped away with each passin encounter with Eric, even more so since he ah put himself in my way as it were, to be there to help me, to protect me, so much so that he was able to get his blood inside of me.
Ever since then things have become well strange. I close my eyes in sleep and I see him. At first I was afraid of what was goin on, that I was losin my mind and my senses. Things were very intense in the dreams but I had always assumed the blood was talkin, takin me over and telling me about Eric. That was till the last dream. Then I began to question..did I really like it? do I really have feelings for him?
He was ah right about my instinct...was he right about this too? I would have dismissed it out of hand until he kissed me. Though I resisted at first it was impossible to do so and ulitmately I kissed back..I enjoyed it and I mean really did so. I felt his passion and his own fears as he kissed me. Ever since then I have thought about what would have happened had we been left alone.
Sometimes I think that I would have been able to fight it and resist, other times I would have given in to him and let him win...
Now I am here, and understanding that in his own perverse way he has done this for my own protection. I have thought a lot about him. The thought of him meeting final death now fills me with dread. For a Vampire he is so full of life and he has a humour that strangely enough I have grown fond of. I cry sometimes down here as I think of that, guess I would miss him more than I would admit to his face.
But...is that enough to give in to Temptation
Should I fall and hope he catches me?